Recently my Facebook reminded me of when I used to write notes on their service. On two separate occasions I wrote “Facts” about myself. The last time I did this it was in 2009. So much has happened to me since then so I thought I would do a little refresher to let everyone know who I am with 25 new “facts” about me.

1.       I invented Crispix cereal.

2.       I was originally going to play Bill Murray in Zombieland.

3.       I bought a house simply by bringing a briefcase of money to the bank and saying, “Give me that one” while pointing abstractly out the window.

4.       My left arm is my selfie stick.

5.       I invented a new version of the “Power Hour” that is sweeping colleges and universities across the country. You hold onto an exposed wire for an entire hour.

6.       In every sentence I use at least one word that would score double points in Scrabble, a stupendous feat.

7.       I got hit in the head with a head of lettuce when I was 4 years old, and that’s why I don’t put lettuce on any sandwich or burger.

8.       I am the largest prime number.

9.       I am a professional locksmith, if the lock is to your heart.

10.   My great-great-great-grandfather punched Abner Doubleday in face over blown call at home plate.

11.   My shower curtain has ducks on it.

12.   I invented the Quesalupa 9 years ago, but had trouble getting a patent for it. I only realized last month you don’t need a patent for food.

13.   I can be found on every 13th floor of a building.

14.   Marshawn Lynch consulted me on his retirement.

15.   I have attended every Super Bowl…party I’ve been invited to…and a few I wasn’t invited to.

16.   I have a resting BAC of .02

17.   Tucker Diedrich is an anagram for Uh Dried Cricket

18.   My left leg is actually 4 nutcrackers stacked on top of each other.

19.   I ate a walrus once. It tasted like walrus.

20.   I’ve driven over 50,000 miles in 2 years.

21.   I won’t fall asleep unless the temperature in the room is 62 degrees Fahrenheit.

22.   I’m only afraid of spiders that have 7 legs. I mean that is a crazy spider who is living by his own rules.

23.   I drink a gallon of water a day, but not for the reasons you think.

24.   There is a special code in this Monday Write that will direct you to a stash of gold I hidden somewhere.

25.   I don’t know what a fact is.