Hey everyone. Well it’s time once again for the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. 68 of the “best” (UCLA? Texas? Seriously?) college teams in the United States will compete for a basketball that is made out of glass. Many of you are probably in an office pool so let me give you some advice on how to win your office pool and some cold hard “cash.” (Remember any money that you spend on brackets is illegal. If college kids can’t get paid for their playing, then you can’t either.)
Tip #1: Don’t pick the teams that are named after fake states.
Michigan and North Carolina are the only “State” teams that have ever won a National Championship. The key here is that these are actual states in the United States. San Diego State? Boise State? Sorry but you are a city not a state. How can you pick a team that doesn’t even know that it’s not a state? No, wonder so many student athletes end up working at Enterprise.
Tip #2: Don’t pick a team that has a direction in their name unless it’s North Carolina
North Carolina and North Carolina State are the only teams that have won a National Championship with a direction in their name. So Northern Iowa seems like a fun story but they have no chance to win the championship.
Tip #3: Don’t pick Gonzaga. They will be terrible.
Everyone loves Gonzaga because it’s fun to say, and they go by the “Zags” but you know what; they will find a way to screw up your bracket. If you put them in the Elite 8 you are an idiot. Don’t move them into the Sweet 16 they lost to BYU earlier in the year.
Tip #4: There will be a 12 vs. 13 matchup.
I don’t know why, but it seems to always happen.
Tip #5: Don’t Advance a Team out of the First Round if you can’t spell their Name
Wofford, Providence, Wichita State, Valparaiso; be honest if you didn’t just read those you wouldn’t know how to spell them. Your sheet is going to look embarrassing if you scribble in ink a misspelled school name. Plus if you want them to win multiple games think of how annoying it’ll be to keep writing in those names. Save yourself the embarrassment leave them behind and just pencil in Butler, Arkansas, Dayton, and Indiana. See easy schools to spell.
Tip #6: If you don’t know where the School is don’t pick them
Hey do you actually know where Villanova is? What about Xavier or SMU? Do you even know what SMU stands for? Exactly. If you don’t know where the school is just assume the school doesn’t exist and advance a school that actually has a place. After all, if the school doesn’t exist, how can they even field a team?
Tip #7: Just pick Kentucky
You’ll get a ton of points and they haven’t even come close to losing. Just do it and get the easy points.
Good Luck and make sure to be nice to Cathy in accounting. She was just trying to have fun. Maybe if you cared less about College Basketball you would have won too.